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New Parents


   Many years ago when my mom delivered my brother, Tom, mothers were quite groggy after delivery due to "twilight sleep" medication during delivery. She had given my brother a somewhat sleepy look over after the delivery. Of course, he was beautiful! 
   The next day the nurse brought tom in for the first visit. As the nurse put Tom in her arms, mom exclaimed, this is not my baby.....why this is the ugliest baby i have ever seen!" to her great embarrassment.....the baby belonged to her room mate.

AFTER a month of staying at home with our newborn son, my wife and I felt the need for a night out.  Reluctantly, I asked my parents to baby-sit while we went to a movie, assuring them that we would be gone no longer than two hours.  When we returned I jokingly said to my father, "Let's see, now -- baby-sitting rates are about a dollar seventy-five an hour."  "For each of us?" he asked.  "That's right."  My father took out his wallet and gave me seven dollars.  I never worried again about asking my parents to baby-sit.

OUR eldest son and his wife were expecting their first child, and their doctor ordered ultrasound tests. The technician made some still pictures, and pointed out arms, legs and other features.  A few days later I overheard our two sons talking with a friend of theirs.  The proud papa-to-be boasted.  "The baby looks just like me."  His friend asked how he could tell, to which our second son replied, "That's easy.  He's bald and has his foot in his mouth."

IN THE manner of all new mothers, I spent a lot of time inspecting my firstborn, and I reveled in his delicate perfection. When he was almost a month old, I noticed a curious dimple on his bottom. With each diaper change and bath I became more concerned. What if the boys in the locker room found it funny and teased him about it; or, even worse, what if some future spouse thought it to be strange?  One evening I approached my husband, naked babe in arms. "Look at this," I cried, waving the small bottom about. "Do you think it'll' embarrass him when he grows up?   Do you think it's strange?"  My husband listened patiently to my outburst, then said, "No, I don't think it is strange, dear. I've always thought that it was pretty cute on you!"

MY husband and I were living with my parents when our daughter - their first grandchild - was born.  It had been 20 years since there had been a baby in the house, so we expected my parents to have some difficulty adjusting to the new addition and her nighttime habits.  But some of the lessons learned in the child-rearing years are not easily forgotten.  The first night our little Erin woke the house with her howling, Dad nudged my mother, grunted "Baby's crying," and promptly went back to sleep.

WHEN my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo and other games slowly took their toll.  One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor. I rushed to her side and asked where it hurt. She looked at me through tear- filled eyes and managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate roast beef."

AFTER our manager's wife had their third child, inquiries about their new daughter's name were made in the office. We were told that no decision had yet been made. So we promptly dubbed her Unidentified Crying Object.

AFTER the birth of our second son, my husband was bottle-feeding him in my hospital room, when a nurse marched in and demanded that he wash his hands and put on a hospital gown before resuming the feeding so as to protect the baby from germs.  However, my husband and I couldn't help smiling at each other, recalling that less than 12 hours earlier, in the front seat of our car, our son was born into the un-scrubbed and shaking hands of his father.

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Last updated May 19, 2008 by Becquet's Custom Programming