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Bus Humor


WE WERE on a trip to Scotland's Isle of Skye when our bus encountered some sheep resting in the middle of the narrow, twisty road. The driver could not get past them. He tried his horn with no success, then moved slowly forward trying to nudge his way through, but they remained quite undisturbed. He then opened his window, stuck his head out and yelled, "MINT SAUCE!" The sheep immediately all got up and ambled off the road into the heather, to the great merriment of the passengers.

WHILE waiting for a bus, a friend and I were having a friendly disagreement over whether or not April was a good month to vacation in Vancouver. One of us argued that it was delightfully sunny in the spring; the other countered that the weather was almost always rainy. As we spoke, I noticed a little girl watching us intently. My friend asked her if she knew Vancouver well; she replied that she had just moved to Ottawa after having lived on the West Coast for several years.   "Well!" I said, "then you settle our argument."  The little girl hesitated, obviously not wishing to offend either of us. Suddenly, her face brightened. "Well," she replied happily. "There are lots of rainbows!"

ONCE a month I take a three-hour bus trip to my parents. On one particular journey I was thinking how bad my day had been so far. Everything had gone wrong. At that moment the bus driver announced, "I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, we seem to be having a little difficulty with the bus. I'm afraid we'll have to pull over."  This was too much. I jumped up and said, "This is just great!   My day couldn't be worse."  With that, an older woman sitting next to me whispered, "Oh, yes, young man, it could.  We could have been on a plane."

A BUS in Sydney, Australia, stopped to pick up a young man who was wearing the freakish apparel and the outlandish makeup of a punk rocker. He bounded into the bus and asked the driver, "What's the fare?" The driver glanced at the rocker's rainbow-tinted hair and, without batting an eye, replied, "Forty cents for you, mate, and thirty for your parrot."

WHILE visiting my hometown in England, I watched the following take place at a bus stop: The conductor called, "Room for only one more." The two women at the head of the line stepped forward together, and the elder one said, "Surely you wouldn't separate mother and daughter?" "No, dear," he said. "I did that once, and I've regretted it ever since." And off the bus went, leaving them both behind.

THE bus was crowded and there was a commotion among the passengers who wanted to get off and those who wanted to get on. When the conductor noticed a young fellow elbowing everyone else aside, he cried, "Wait, please!" The young man quickly replied, "Fifty kilos," and jumped on the bus.

SON : Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mum : Well, you have done the right thing.
Son : But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

MY USUAL bus ride to work was enlivened one morning when a woman I had never seen before boarded and spoke with the driver. He nodded, and she took the seat behind his. We then made three unscheduled stops; at each, the new passenger dashed to the door and yelled to a startled woman on the sidewalk: "Quick! Get on the bus! My car wouldn't start." Her car pool collected, we all settled back and made it to work on time.

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Last updated May 19, 2008 by Becquet's Custom Programming