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Hotel - Motel Humor


By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded to the last hotel manager, "Or just a bed. . . I don't really care where.   I’m completely exhausted.”  "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and I’m sure he would be glad to split the cost.  But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained all week.  I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."  "No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."  The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.   The manager asked him how he survived.  "Never better." John said.   The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"   "Nope. I shut him up in no time."  "How'd you manage that?"  "He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Good night, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

PLANNING to visit a small Midwest town, a man sent a letter to the small hotel as follows:  "I would very much like to bring my dog with me to your hotel and wondered if you would be willing to allow him to stay with me in my room at night?"
  The reply came back very quickly:  "I've been operating this hotel for many years and in all of that time I have never had a dog steal towels, bed clothes, silverware or pictures off the wall.  I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly and I've never had a dog leave without paying his bill.  Your dog will be very welcome and, if he will vouch for you, you will be welcome also."

WHILE I was working at the front desk of a resort hotel one evening in Parksville, B.C., a man called to reserve a room. He asked what our corporate rates were, then gave me his name and address. When I asked what company he was with, he replied, "Well! My wife's, of course!

GRAPHICS designer Tracy Turner, working on architect I. M. Pei's Fragrant Hill Hotel, just outside Peking, presented to the hotel's assistant manager a list of 25 basic tableware items needed for a Western-style banquet. Recounts Turner: "The assistant manager threw down his hat and exclaimed, 'How can you keep track of all this? We eat with two chopsticks, and when we throw a banquet, we add twenty-five more dishes, not utensils!' "

IN PAPEETE, Tahiti, a New York hotel designer sat down with a wood-carver to negotiate a price for 30 native icons called tikis. The first, they agreed, would cost 2000 Tahitian francs. "But the next twenty-nine tikis will be three thousand francs each," the wood-carver said.  "Why?"   "Because making the first one is fun."

WHEN the couple were checking out of the hotel, the husband questioned an item on the bill. "What's this $25 daily charge for fruit'?" he asked. "We didn't eat any fruit."  "Well, it was put in your room everyday. It's not our fault if you didn't take advantage of it."  "I see," said the man, and promptly deducted $ 150 from the bill.  "What are you doing?" sputtered the manager.  "I'm subtracting $50 a day for your kissing my wife."  "What do you mean?  I didn't kiss your wife."   "Ah," said the man, "but she was there."

MY HUSBAND went on a sudden business trip, and I went with him. It was soon apparent he couldn't wrap things up in a day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and bought toothbrushes and other necessities.  When we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a paper bag filled with supplies, the hotel manager looked us over.  Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Matched luggage?"

HOLIDAYING at La Baule, France, an English couple were turned away from countless fully booked hotels. Finally, one manager offered them the only accommodation he had left - the bridal suite.  "But we've been married for 30 years!" exclaimed the husband.  "Monsieur, if I gave you the ballroom," replied the manager patiently, "I wouldn't expect you to dance all night."

ON OUR dream vacation to Hawaii, my wife and I chanced to meet a young Japanese in the elevator of our hotel. Being an Albertan, I commented on Hawaii's warm climate and the cold winters in my province. The young man nodded politely as I struggled with the obvious language barrier to present an image of a bleak Edmonton landscape in January.  I realized, as we neared his floor, that I had not asked about his native country or climate. When I asked him where he lived, he smiled broadly and replied - "Calgary."

WE FOUND a charming bed-and-break-fast place nestled in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless had some questions about the accommodations. "Does the room have its own bath?" I asked.  The proprietor's answer was terse and to the point: "If no one else comes, it does."

As A front-desk clerk in a motel, I have guests fill out a registration card. The last line — "Firm?" — is for our business clientele, as we keep a record of companies that patronize us regularly. One day a guest demanded to know why we wanted such personal information. Confused by her reaction, I read her card. For "Firm?" she had written: Yes, very! What of it?

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Last updated May 19, 2008 by Becquet's Custom Programming