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Definitions

    

COMMITTEE: A group of people that keeps minutes and wastes hours.


PUNCTUALITY: the virtue of the bored


TRAFFIC LIGHT: apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.


TELEVISION: movie where people don't step on your feet.


MOVIE: television where people don't interrupt with unexpected visits.


TRANSIT COMPANY: group that complains of bad business when all passengers get a seat.


DIVORCE: postgraduate in School of Love.


PLAYBOY: one who shortens the day by lengthening his night.


BACHELOR OF SCIENCE: one who has mastered the science of remaining a bachelor.


PIONEER: early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of
the woods.


MAN: a remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back.


WOMAN: creature who acts nice to you because she doesn't like you, or mean, because she does.


PEOPLE: some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.


LOVE: unseen when it comes, but visible when it goes.


SWIMMING POOL: a mob of people with water in it.


SELF-CONTROL: the ability to eat only one peanut.


SALESMAN: man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.


CANNIBAL: person who likes to see other people stewed.


EGOCENTRIC: a person who believes he is everything you know you are.


FOREIGN FILM: any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.


OPTIMIST: girl who regards a bulge as a curve.


PESSIMIST: man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope.


EPITAPH: a postponed compliment.


IMMIGRATION: the sincerest form of flattery.


MAGAZINE: bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.


MIRACLE: something that never happens in our generation.


OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.


FANCY RESTAURANT: One that serves cold soup on purpose. 
Doug Larson


COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. 
Merrill Furman


KISSING: A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other. 
Rene Yasenek


EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. 
Merrill Furman


BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
  Lester B. Pearson


BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. 
John R. Fox


TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. 
Wise & Aldrich


PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN It Still Does Nothing

APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI System Can't See It

DOS Defunct Operating System

BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM I Blame Microsoft

DEC Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too

WWW World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH  
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
   

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Last updated May 19, 2008 by Becquet's Custom Programming