The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen
made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any
of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."
MY DENTIST shared a good one with me on Thursday. He recounts how he
was sharing this story with an elderly lady, just as he was putting on his
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No?"
"Well", he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big building set
up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk up to the tank, and dip their hands in - and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets
up. . . then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished
Goods Crate' and go around again."
And she didn't laugh a bit!!!
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her
teeth because she burst out laughing.
She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"
MY DENTIST husband was nearing the end of his first day of practice. Most of
the patients had been children, and his biggest challenge had been getting those little
mouths to stay open. To my husband's delight, his last patient was an adult.
"Welcome," he told her as he began the examination. "It's so nice to work
on someone with a big mouth."
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement
that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had
forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my
teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket
and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker
tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair.
. .try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The
man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth. .
.try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate
his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to
thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is
your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm
not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
ON ONE of my mother's visits to her dentist - she was 65
years old at the time - he said, "Mrs. Hopgood, your teeth are good for the next 50
years." To which she replied, "What will they do without me?"
MRS. SINCLAIR arrived at my dental office claiming she had a
one-o'clock appointment. My receptionist disagreed. Mrs. Sinclair insisted someone had
phoned that it was time for her yearly examination and cleaning, and she had made an
appointment. When we said we always send out reminders before we call, she left in a huff.
Within an hour Mrs. Sinclair phoned. Sheepishly, she told us that when she got home she
found a man waiting on her steps. He had come from the oil company to give her furnace its
yearly examination and cleaning.
MY COUSIN, who had just opened his dental practice, was
dismayed when his mother told him she was embroidering a Bible verse to hang on the wall
of his waiting room. "Mom, you just don't put Bible verses in dentists'
offices," he groaned. His mother assured him that he would like it. He did. The
verse his mother had chosen was Psalms 81:10:" . . . open thy mouth wide, and I will
A CORK BOARD at my dentist's office is covered with letters
and drawings by his younger patients. One patient decided to write a note of his
own. A few days later, smack in the middle of drawings and letters, this note done
in green crayon appeared:
"Dear Dr. Perr,
Thank you for taking such good care of my teeth. I am already
63 years old and, thanks to you, still have three of my own left.
I luv you,
I REFERRED a cousin to my dentist, Kevin, also a good friend.
I told Karen that Kevin, besides being an excellent dentist, has a great sense of humour
and usually has a joke to share with his patients. Karen went for her first
appointment, which proceeded uneventfully. Near the end of the examination, Kevin said he
thought he should do an impression. Karen, mistaking Kevin's intention, said, "Great,
who are you going to do?"
A FEW days before his appointment with the dentist, my son
came down with the flu. My husband, John, decided he, too, needed a checkup so I called to
confirm the time, but switched the patient. When the day came, however, John wasn't
feeling well, so I called to reschedule for the next week. The day before the new
appointment, John still wasn't feeling well; I called the dentist to switch the patient
back to my son. The receptionist confirmed the arrangement. On appointment day the
receptionist called me - the dentist was sick.
A SATURDAY NIGHT toothache had me at the dentist early Monday
morning, but my appointment was pre-empted by a most beautiful girl of 19. She had
lost her two front teeth in a skiing accident and was trembling with agitation. The
dentist seemed expert in calming her down. "The repairs I'm going to make will
probably last you twenty years," he said, "and then they can be duplicated. Your
appearance won't be affected and it will be practically painless." But nothing
he said would console the girl. She shook so much I thought he might have to give
her a sedative. He did: Leaning down, he whispered, "Even when he kisses you he won't
be able to tell." The tension went out of her body: Finally she had heard words
of real hope.
I DREAD going to the dentist. Once, to ease my tension,
I listed my middle name as "Wimp." The receptionist read it, laughed and
assured me that many patients felt the same way. Half an hour later, the
receptionist came into the waiting room. Looking directly at me, she said, smiling,
"The doctor will now see the wimp." Three other people got up with me.
I RECLINED in the dentist's chair, his assistant at attention
beside me. In came the dentist. He swung his instrument tray over my chest and
picked up my record card, prepared and placed there by the assistant. Perplexed, he
asked her, "What does this C mean?" Placing a comforting hand on my
quivering shoulder, she answered, "Coward."