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Dental

   

NO FRILLS Dentist Appointment
   The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry.
   "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
   "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
   Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."


   MY DENTIST shared a good one with me on Thursday. He recounts how he was sharing this story with an elderly lady, just as he was putting on his rubber gloves.
   "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" 
   She said, "No?"
   "Well", he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk up to the tank, and dip their hands in - and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up. . .  then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and go around again." 
   And she didn't laugh a bit!!!
   Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. 
   She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"


MY DENTIST husband was nearing the end of his first day of practice. Most of the patients had been children, and his biggest challenge had been getting those little mouths to stay open. To my husband's delight, his last patient was an adult. "Welcome," he told her as he began the examination. "It's so nice to work on someone with a big mouth."


A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.  Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.  The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair. . .try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."  The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth. . .try them."  The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."  The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."


ON ONE of my mother's visits to her dentist - she was 65 years old at the time - he said, "Mrs. Hopgood, your teeth are good for the next 50 years." To which she replied, "What will they do without me?"


MRS. SINCLAIR arrived at my dental office claiming she had a one-o'clock appointment. My receptionist disagreed. Mrs. Sinclair insisted someone had phoned that it was time for her yearly examination and cleaning, and she had made an appointment. When we said we always send out reminders before we call, she left in a huff. Within an hour Mrs. Sinclair phoned. Sheepishly, she told us that when she got home she found a man waiting on her steps. He had come from the oil company to give her furnace its yearly examination and cleaning.


MY COUSIN, who had just opened his dental practice, was dismayed when his mother told him she was embroidering a Bible verse to hang on the wall of his waiting room. "Mom, you just don't put Bible verses in dentists' offices," he groaned. His mother assured him that he would like it.  He did. The verse his mother had chosen was Psalms 81:10:" . . . open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it."


A CORK BOARD at my dentist's office is covered with letters and drawings by his younger patients.  One patient decided to write a note of his own.  A few days later, smack in the middle of drawings and letters, this note done in green crayon appeared:

"Dear Dr. Perr,

Thank you for taking such good care of my teeth. I am already 63 years old and, thanks to you, still have three of my own left.
I luv you,

Morton."


I REFERRED a cousin to my dentist, Kevin, also a good friend. I told Karen that Kevin, besides being an excellent dentist, has a great sense of humour and usually has a joke to share with his patients.  Karen went for her first appointment, which proceeded uneventfully. Near the end of the examination, Kevin said he thought he should do an impression. Karen, mistaking Kevin's intention, said, "Great, who are you going to do?"


A FEW days before his appointment with the dentist, my son came down with the flu. My husband, John, decided he, too, needed a checkup so I called to confirm the time, but switched the patient. When the day came, however, John wasn't feeling well, so I called to reschedule for the next week. The day before the new appointment, John still wasn't feeling well; I called the dentist to switch the patient back to my son. The receptionist confirmed the arrangement. On appointment day the receptionist called me - the dentist was sick.


A SATURDAY NIGHT toothache had me at the dentist early Monday morning, but my appointment was pre-empted by a most beautiful girl of 19.  She had lost her two front teeth in a skiing accident and was trembling with agitation.  The dentist seemed expert in calming her down. "The repairs I'm going to make will probably last you twenty years," he said, "and then they can be duplicated. Your appearance won't be affected and it will be practically painless."  But nothing he said would console the girl.  She shook so much I thought he might have to give her a sedative. He did: Leaning down, he whispered, "Even when he kisses you he won't be able to tell."  The tension went out of her body: Finally she had heard words of real hope.


I DREAD going to the dentist.  Once, to ease my tension, I listed my middle name as "Wimp."  The receptionist read it, laughed and assured me that many patients felt the same way.  Half an hour later, the receptionist came into the waiting room.  Looking directly at me, she said, smiling, "The doctor will now see the wimp."  Three other people got up with me.


I RECLINED in the dentist's chair, his assistant at attention beside me.  In came the dentist.  He swung his instrument tray over my chest and picked up my record card, prepared and placed there by the assistant.  Perplexed, he asked her, "What does this C mean?"  Placing a comforting hand on my quivering shoulder, she answered, "Coward."
   

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Last updated May 19, 2008 by Becquet's Custom Programming