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Payroll

   

When our company interviews applicants, we always ask, "What is your greatest achievement so far?" We got an unusual answer from one haggard young man who arrived late for his interview. He replied, "Helping my wife deliver our baby with the Lamaze method two hours ago."


A man called the government office where I work and requested an estimate of his benefits upon retirement. After I gave him the information, he went on to inquire about his wife's benefits. I asked if she had ever worked. "She has worked all her life making me happy," he replied. That was nice, I commented, but had she ever contributed to a pension plan? "No," he said. "We made an agreement when we got married. I would make the living and she would make the living worth while."


I had been out of the job market for several years when I was interviewed for a sales-management position at a department store. First, the personnel and department heads saw me, and then I met the store manager, who couldn't understand their vote to hire me. "So," he challenged, "what management experience have you ever had?" After thinking a moment, I replied confidently, "I get the meat, potatoes and vegetables on the table at the same time. That's management." I got the job.


I had been unemployed for several weeks. Each day I'd go to job-site areas hoping they'd have something for me, but the answer was always no. Then one morning my luck changed and I found work as a carpenter. The job kept me busy all day, and I was unable to call home with the good news. When I got back that evening, my wife took one look at me, flashed a euphoric smile and exclaimed: "You're dirty!"


Just what an impact the economy had had on the job market became evident to me when I ran a help-wanted ad for my business in our local paper. Next to "salary expected," 75 percent of the applicants had written: "Yes."


While visiting my local employment office, I was both amused and saddened by the plaintive message on a bumper sticker. Sandwiched between two other parked cars, one displaying, "I'd rather be surfing," and the other, "I'd rather be skiing," it stated simply, "I'd rather be Working."


After receiving a lecture from my boss about paying attention to details, I decided to see if he practiced what he preached. When I prepared the payroll cheques for the next pay period, I added two extra zeros to mine. Then I brought the batch in for his signature. I stood at his desk as time and again he wrote his name with a flourish — "Tom A Grandel."
  When he finished, he gave me the cheques to distribute. Soon afterwards I opened mine. On the signature line, in my boss' elegant handwriting, was "Try And Get it."


I had worked at a mental-health center for about a year when one payday I received two paychecks. The personnel office informed me that the extra check represented a retroactive pay raise I should have received several months before. My elation was short-lived, because the next day I was told a mistake had been made and I should not have been given the second check. I would be notified as to when and where to pay back the money. Two weeks passed, and again I received two checks. Immediately, I called the personnel office and asked why I had received another extra check. After putting me on hold for some time, the voice on the other end returned and cheerfully informed me: "It's quite simple. In the first check that you shouldn't have received, you didn't get enough." Both extra checks had to be repaid.


I called my two young employees into my office to inform them of their semi-annual pay raise. "However," I told them, "because business has been slow your raise will be paltry." "You can't pay us in poultry!" Jeff exclaimed. "No, Jeff," said Chris. "I think she means chicken feed."
   

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Last updated October 02, 2015 by Becquet Enterprises