GOD AND EVE
In The Garden Of Eden
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic
snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've
been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
What's the catch, Lord?"
"Well ... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring ... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just
remember, it's our little secret..."You know, woman to woman."
Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
So God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
God said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with
every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag
you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you
love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history......
Moses' account of the creation in the book of Genesis
is so familiar and so entrenched in our cultural heritage that many accept as actual
historic fact the assertion that Woman was created from one of Adam's ribs.
Science has railed against such simple beliefs for centuries; last week, at a
dig in the escarpments along the western shore of the Dead Sea, archaeologists have
uncovered ancient, original texts that predate Moses' writings by 1,300 years.
Translated, their account of life's beginnings on earth are much more scientifically
plausible . . .
". . . and God created Woman, giving her three breasts to succor her young. And God
spoke, saying to her, "I have created thee as I see fit, but mine is no longer the
only opinion in the universe (sigh). Is there anything about thee that thou would prefer
differently?"
And Woman spoke, saying, "Lord, I am not made to birth whole litters; I
do not need but two breasts."
And God said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created thee with
wisdom." There was a crack and a lingering odor of ozone, and it was done, and
Woman stood holding her third breast in her hand.
"Now just what am I gonna do with this useless boob?" Woman
exclaimed. And so it was, God created Man."