By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel
room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded to the last
hotel manager, "Or just a bed. . . I don't really care where. I’m
completely exhausted.” "Well, I do have a double room with one
occupant," admitted the manager, "and I’m sure he would be glad to split
the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining
rooms have complained all week. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The
manager asked him how he survived. "Never better." John said. The
manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time." "How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Good night, beautiful,' and he sat
up all night watching me."
PLANNING to visit a small Midwest town, a man sent a letter
to the small hotel as follows: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me
to your hotel and wondered if you would be willing to allow him to stay with me in my room
at night?"
The reply came back very quickly: "I've been operating this hotel for
many years and in all of that time I have never had a dog steal towels, bed clothes,
silverware or pictures off the wall. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of
the night for being drunk and disorderly and I've never had a dog leave without paying his
bill. Your dog will be very welcome and, if he will vouch for you, you will be
welcome also."
WHILE I was working at the
front desk of a resort hotel one evening in Parksville, B.C., a man called to reserve a
room. He asked what our corporate rates were, then gave me his name and address. When I
asked what company he was with, he replied, "Well! My wife's, of course!
GRAPHICS designer Tracy Turner, working on architect I. M.
Pei's Fragrant Hill Hotel, just outside Peking, presented to the hotel's assistant manager
a list of 25 basic tableware items needed for a Western-style banquet. Recounts Turner:
"The assistant manager threw down his hat and exclaimed, 'How can you keep track of
all this? We eat with two chopsticks, and when we throw a banquet, we add twenty-five more
dishes, not utensils!' "
IN PAPEETE, Tahiti, a New York hotel designer sat down with a
wood-carver to negotiate a price for 30 native icons called tikis. The first, they agreed,
would cost 2000 Tahitian francs. "But the next twenty-nine tikis will be three
thousand francs each," the wood-carver said. "Why?"
"Because making the first one is fun."
WHEN the couple were checking out of the hotel, the husband
questioned an item on the bill. "What's this $25 daily charge for fruit'?" he
asked. "We didn't eat any fruit." "Well, it was put in your room
everyday. It's not our fault if you didn't take advantage of it." "I
see," said the man, and promptly deducted $ 150 from the bill. "What are
you doing?" sputtered the manager. "I'm subtracting $50 a day for your
kissing my wife." "What do you mean? I didn't kiss your wife."
"Ah," said the man, "but she was there."
MY HUSBAND went on a sudden business trip, and I went with
him. It was soon apparent he couldn't wrap things up in a day, so his employer put us up
for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and bought toothbrushes and
other necessities. When we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a paper
bag filled with supplies, the hotel manager looked us over. Raising an eyebrow, he
intoned haughtily, "Matched luggage?"
HOLIDAYING at La Baule, France, an English couple were turned
away from countless fully booked hotels. Finally, one manager offered them the only
accommodation he had left - the bridal suite. "But we've been married for 30
years!" exclaimed the husband. "Monsieur, if I gave you the
ballroom," replied the manager patiently, "I wouldn't expect you to dance all
night."
ON OUR dream vacation to Hawaii, my wife and I chanced to
meet a young Japanese in the elevator of our hotel. Being an Albertan, I commented on
Hawaii's warm climate and the cold winters in my province. The young man nodded politely
as I struggled with the obvious language barrier to present an image of a bleak Edmonton
landscape in January. I realized, as we neared his floor, that I had not asked about
his native country or climate. When I asked him where he lived, he smiled broadly and
replied - "Calgary."
WE FOUND a charming bed-and-break-fast place nestled in the
White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless had some questions about
the accommodations. "Does the room have its own bath?" I asked. The
proprietor's answer was terse and to the point: "If no one else comes, it does."
As A front-desk clerk in a motel, I have guests fill out a registration card. The last
line — "Firm?" — is for our business clientele, as we keep a record of
companies that patronize us regularly. One day a guest demanded to know why we wanted such
personal information. Confused by her reaction, I read her card. For "Firm?" she
had written: Yes, very! What of it?