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Children

   

I am a director of a child care center and we have a music class every Friday. This one Friday the music teacher was talking about what it means to be free. He was explaining that we are all Free and have rights to say things and do things that many people could not do a long time ago. Well one little boy in our preschool class started to get really upset at the music teacher. The teacher asked the child what was wrong and the boy said " I'm not free I'm Four". We all just had a great laugh.


When my son was four years old he attended a pre-school. I loved picking him up just to listen to how his world would unfold each day. One day he jumped into the car and I could tell from his face that he was going to present quite a puzzling inquiry. "Momma, what do birds have to do with the American flag?" Thinking he was talking about the eagle on top of the flag pole I proceeded to "educate" him on the national bird. "I know all of that, Momma, I'm talking about the pigeons! What do the pigeons have to do with the flag?" Well, I was at total loss but I took a deep breadth and continued the query. "What do you mean?" He then rolled his eyes and released such a sigh (just like many of us do when someone can't grasp the obvious). So, very slowly he began to instruct, "Every day we start out by saying the prayer to the flag and in it we say, 'I lead the pigeons to the flag...', I just wanted to know why?" That is how my Eagle Scout began his road toward citizenship.


   MY THREE year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day, we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in-between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
   While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month-old daughter; she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident," and I didn't have any clothes with me. Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had, because the smell was getting worse. So.........I asked one more time. "Matt, did you have an accident?" This time, with a little smirk on his face, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled..."SEE MOM, IT'S JUST GAS!!"
   While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.  I was mortified...but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had.


   The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
   He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?".
   Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?".
   "Yes" whispered the small voice.
   May I talk with him?" the man asked.  To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
   Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?". 
   "Yes," came the answer. 
   "May I talk with her?".
   Again, the small voice whispered, "No."  Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.  "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. 
   "Yes", whispered the child. "A policeman."
   Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?".
   "No, he's busy.", whispered the child.
   "Busy doing what?", asked the boss.
   "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
   Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?".
   "A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice.
   "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.
   In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!"
   Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked," Why are they there?"  Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!"


In the town where I grew up, there weren't many black people. We very rarely saw any as kids. When my little sister was about 4 or 5 she saw her first black man. She tugged at my mom's shirt and in a quiet voice said "Look mom, it's Michael Jackson!" The man just smiled and waved as he walked by.   - Tara Wiseman -


A couple I know is pregnant with their fourth child. When they were in getting an ultrasound, the nurse asked if they wanted to know what the baby was. The father said they would, only if it was a girl. The nurse replied, "One of them is."   - Tara Wiseman -


As a pediatric nurse in a children's hospital, I saw families that did everything they could to cheer the youngsters up. I was not surprised, then, when the parents of one little girl sent her a bouquet of helium-filled balloons delivered by someone dressed up as Miss Piggy including snout mask, jewelry and outlandish outfit.  A small boy stood in wide-eyed amazement as "Miss Piggy" made her way down the hall and delivered the balloons to the girl. When he couldn't contain his curiosity any longer, he edged into her room and asked hesitantly, "Is that really your mom?"


IT WAS the first day of school, after summer vacations and time for me to pick up the children in my school bus and take them home again. After I had made the complete run that afternoon, one little boy remained on the bus. Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving slowly back through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let me know if any of the houses or people looked familiar. The boy sat in his seat contentedly and shook his head whenever I asked him if he recognized a person or place. After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started back to the school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child got off the bus and started walking away. "Wait!" I called. "We have to go inside and find out where you live. ' "I live right there," he said, pointing to a house across the street. "I just always wanted to ride in a school bus."


OUR son started helping out at a nearby garden center when he was barely eleven. I was anxious about his reaction to his first morning on the job, so I stopped by to check on him. I found him kneeling on the ground potting some flowers. "How ya doing, Bryan?" I asked. "Okay-I guess." I sensed something was wrong. Then I saw a tear trickling down his cheek. "When I came to work this morning," he explained, sniffling, "they said they'd pay me fifty cents an hour. I've been here three hours now, and nobody's been around with my fifty centses!"


AS A single parent, I know that my ten year-old daughter has learned to do without many extras. Some time ago, to make things up to her, I promised to buy her toys as soon as I got a raise. A while later, my boss went on vacation and arranged for me to watch his dog, cats and parrot. The night before he was due back, we went to feed the animals for the last time. As my daughter busied herself with the parrot, I couldn't believe my ears. She was bombarding the hapless bird with: "Mommy needs a raise!  Mommy needs a raise!  Mommy needs a raise!"  I got the raise; she got the toys.


When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for.  Then he spread the animal  shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.  "What are you doing?" his mom asked.  "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained.  "I'm looking for the seal."


A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord's Prayer.  For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother.  One night she said she was ready to solo.   The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end.  "And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail,  Amen."


WHEN I was a tour guide at the Alexander Graham Bell Homestead in Brantford, Ont., I found it amusing to watch young people attempting to reconcile present-day life with activities of 100 years ago. One father, trying to interest his restless young son in the Bell family history, pointed out one photograph and said, "Look, Paul, it says here that both of Alexander's brothers died of TB." The boy's eyes widened, his attention had been caught, and he cried, "Why? Did they watch too much?"


A TEACHER at our high school noticed a group of young children wandering around the halls. They were dressed in costumes, and he assumed they were in a ballet being rehearsed in the auditorium. He asked if they were looking for the bathroom and they said they were. Unable to tell their sex because of the costumes and anxious to direct them to the correct room, he asked, "Are you little boys or little girls?" "Neither," they chorused. "We're squirrels."


WHILE working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"


A MOTHER sent her little boy outside to watch the construction workers who were building a house next door. "Maybe you could learn something," she said. An hour later the boy came back inside. "What did you learn?" asked the mother.  "Well, first you take a @/'*%o'?#@ door and then you try to fit it into the $/'*%'?#@ doorway. If it doesn't fit, you shave off its $/'*%'?#@ bottom. Then you put on the $/'*%'?#@ hardware, and that's how you hang a door."  The mother was appalled by her son's language. "I want you to repeat that for your father when he gets home," she said. Later the boy told his father the story just as he had told it to his mother.  "Son," the father said, "go outside and fetch me a switch."  "Heck, no," replied the boy. "That's the $/'*%'?#@ electrician's job."


As I sat by the open window one morning, I heard my three-year-old son and his two friends planning to play heroes. "I'm Superman," one boy said. "I'm Spiderman," yelled the other, Then, with great joy, I heard my son say, "I'll be Terry Fox."


MY HUSBAND took our two young daughters on a visit to a museum in Vancouver. The children were enchanted with the many displays, especially those that featured life like mannequins or "dummies" as their father explained to them.  Finally they had had enough.  As my husband led the children towards the main doors, the five-year-old suddenly stopped, pointed at the receptionist sitting motionless at her desk and piped in her clear, high voice, "Look Daddy, we haven't seen that dummy yet."


HAVING had a disagreement with our five-year-old son, Kelly, on the way home from visiting neighbors, we went down to the cattle shelter to check the cows that were due to calf. Kelly stormed off into the house. When we returned he had disappeared. At first we weren't worried, but after an hour had passed, Dad and sister went out in the truck looking for him, and I phoned the neighbors. It was getting dark and the temperature had dropped.  As my husband and daughter were returning home they saw a small dark figure slowly moving toward the house.  It was Kelly!  We decided to pretend nothing was wrong.  Covered in mud, he finally came through the back door and threw his suitcase on the floor. "It's too cold," he said, "I'll leave in the spring."


OUR next-door neighbour's dog Cleo was about to have pups. Thinking it would be a good learning experience for several of the youngsters in our area, we agreed that when delivery time came we would let them have a ringside seat around a child's small inflated rubber pool that was now Cleo's bed.  When Cleo's time arrived, we herded the youngsters into the playroom to witness the miracle of birth.   Each child was impressed as Cleo began bringing forth her litter.  I casually remarked to the group of children and in particular to Michael, my four- year-old son, that this was how I brought him and his sister into the world.  Visibly impressed, Michael blurted in amazement. "You had me like this?  In a swimming pool?"


MY SIX-YEAR-OLD daughter showed me a picture of a fat cat she had drawn.  I asked her what kind it was and she told me it was a cat that was going to have kittens. "See, I'll show you," she said. Carefully she outlined in pencil four very small kittens inside the cat's body. I then asked, "Do you know how they got there?"  Looking at me seriously, she said, "Of course I know. I drew them."


WHILE we were driving one day, my seven-year-old son noticed a speed limit sign and asked what 50 km/h meant. I explained that one could not drive faster than 50 kilometers an hour. After a slight pause he said, "But what if you don't want to stay out for an hour?"


WHEN my five-year-old had a friend in to play, I was pleased to see them using their imagination, without the aid of television or toys.  My pleasure was short-lived, however, because my son suddenly announced, "We will return to this game after a word from our sponsors." Their game resumed after a minute of silence.


MY BEST lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old, Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash. Suddenly his fuming father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how sorry you are?"  "I don't know how much you saw!" Steven stammered.


OVER coffee, my wife was telling a friend how sick our five-year-old had been as a baby. Our son was listening intently as she described our sitting with him in hospital night and day, afraid he would not live. Suddenly he grabbed her arm and asked, "Did I die?"


WE HAD spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells - and they all work."


MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD asked if his best friend, a five-year-old girl, could spend the night. I said she could.  Shortly after she arrived they began to fight, so I stepped in and insisted they apologize and make up. When my son refused, his friend said, "Well, I guess this means I have to sleep on the couch!"


OUR son, a doctor, and his wife were expecting their second child. They already had a three-year-old son, Adam. They decided to be quite open with Adam in preparing him for the new arrival. Little hands were put on mother's tummy, little ears listened to heartbeats.  The day arrived and a second son, Robert, was born.   Before going to the hospital Adam's father said: "Your mother has a brother for you called Robert.  He's out of Mummy's tummy now and is waiting for you in the hospital.  Do you understand, Adam?"  "Oh, yes, yes!  I have a brother named Robert and we're going to see him."  Our son was greatly relieved that Adam had understood the biological lessons.  When the two arrived at the hospital, there was an elderly man in a wheelchair awaiting discharge.  Adam marched up to him, threw his arms around him and said, "Hello!  You must be Robert."


WHEN my seven-year-old son asked what I did before I married Daddy, I told him I had been a bookkeeper.  Several weeks later, the principal of his school called and inquired if I would consider taking on the position of the school's librarian.


MY SISTER's little girl, though only four years old, had a passion for furs. To quell the little girl fantasy of dressing up, my sister finally gave her a brown squirrel jacket that had seen better days and might otherwise have been thrown out.  My niece was thrilled, and that jacket became a constant companion.   Whatever the weather or the time of the day, it had to be the first and last consideration in the choosing of the little girl's apparel.  My niece's imagination showed no bounds when, while in a shopping center (it was 33 C outside) a lady stopped her and said, "I certainly do like your jacket, dear."  Her reply, given in confidence, "Thank you . . . I know it's old, but it's mink."


AFTER losing my four-year-old in a crowded department store for the second time in a week, I headed straight for the Personnel Department. Sure enough, there he was with the couple who had found him, and the salesman who recognized me from the time before. I thanked them and explained how he had wandered away from me again. "That's funny," the salesman said, "he told us that he wasn't lost, but that you had taken off on him again."


WHEN our son Patrick was five, we still marked all his Christmas presents "from Santa Claus." A couple of hours after they had been opened on Christmas Day, I noticed that he seemed quite glum, for no apparent reason. What was the matter? "Well," said Patrick. Long pause. "Well, I really thought you and Mommy would give me something for Christmas."


MY SON Derek and his friend Casey, both five years old, were playing noisily in a large box in the basement. I poked my head down the stairway and discovered they were pretending to be pirates sailing across the ocean.  Joining the fun, I started pushing them around the basement. When I decided it was time for a storm to hit, I rolled the box from side to side and made sounds of thunder. "Tie down the hatch!  Man the lifeboats!"  I yelled.  Both boys were screaming with laughter.  I increased the roll of the box. "I think we're going over!  The boat's going down, every man for himself!"  All of a sudden a terrified look appeared on Casey's face, and he began to cry.  I stopped abruptly, thinking he might be hurt, and asked "Casey, what's the matter?"  "I . . . I can't swim!"


SIX-YEAR-OLD Tommy blamed his mother for not trying her best to convince his father that he should buy a bicycle for him. "I did try my best," his mother said.  "You didn't cry day and night the way you did when you wanted a new fur coat.


THE bus passenger, trying to save a few cents, hurried her young daughter aboard without paying the child's fare.  "How old are you, little girl?" the bus driver asked.  "Four-and-a-half," she answered.   "And when will you be five? the driver persisted.  "Just as soon as I get off the bus."


I HAD taken my five-year-old daughter to the supermarket one hot summer day.  An attractive young black woman in a brightly coloured flowered dress was pushing her basket in the opposite direction and we kept passing her as we turned up each aisle.  My daughter had never seen a black person and her eyes sparkled with interest.  When we reached the checkout the young woman was in front of us. "Mommy?" my little girl said. "Mommy?" she said again. Then, in a whisper, "Mommy? Isn't it a pretty dress that lady's wearing!"


A FRIEND called to say how impressed she had been with my son's manners at the birthday party for her seven year-old son. The first thing my son had said on arrival was: "Hello, Mrs. King. In case I forget, I'd like to say that I had a very nice time."


WE HAD just moved to a small town when we went to a party to meet our new neighbours. On the way home, my parents mentioned one family who had adopted a child although they had five of their own. They were all blond and blue-eyed, while the six-year-old adopted daughter, who happened to be the same age as their own youngest girl, was Asian. My six-year-old brother, who had been playing with those two children that night, was skeptical. "Which one," he demanded to know, "was adopted?"


WHEN I took my 4 1/2 -year-old cousin to a carnival in Ottawa, I bought her a helium balloon. She carried it around all day without breaking or losing it.  After we returned to my house, she began running around, tripped and let go of the balloon. Tearfully, she watched it disappear into the clouds. Then her face brightened, and she said, "I wish I hadn't let it go.  But won't God be surprised!"

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Last updated September 27, 2015 by Becquet Enterprises